From: Marmalade Quill, Senior Broker
To: All staff, Biscuit Aldous, and Sir Cardboard
Subject: Sunbeams, and who owns them
Background
Last Thursday a seller attempted to include a patch of afternoon sunlight in the inventory of a property. The buyer, a tabby with sharp opinions, objected, and the matter was only resolved when both parties fell asleep in it. This memo is intended to prevent a repeat.
Policy
Effective immediately, the following rules apply to all listings:
- A sunbeam is not a fixture, a fitting or a contents item
- A sunbeam may be described as an “amenity” but not guaranteed
- A sunbeam that moves across a room during a viewing shall be classed as “seasonal”
- Any attempt to sell a sunbeam separately will be referred to Sir Cardboard
Why this matters
Legal advice, which we do not have, suggests that light is a shared resource. Our own position is that the sunbeam belongs to the first cat to lie in it, and remains theirs until a cloud appears, at which point ownership reverts to nobody and everyone is cross.
Several clients have asked whether a south facing window adds value. It does. It adds a great deal. It also adds a queue, and the queue is the part that causes disputes.
Procedure for completion day
The seller will vacate the sunbeam in a dignified manner, stretching once. The buyer will then occupy it, circle twice, and lie down. The sunbeam is considered transferred when the buyer begins to purr. A purr under four seconds will be treated as invalid.
Disputes
Where parties cannot agree, the dispute will be referred to the nearest windowsill for a panel of three cats to assess. The panel will deliberate by looking out of the window for an hour, after which it will go to sleep. The ruling is binding because nobody remembers it.
Please file this memo somewhere I will not sit on it.
Marmalade Quill