Dear readers, this month’s letter comes from a landlord who prefers to remain anonymous but has the initials “the human”. We have reproduced it below with the agency’s reply.
To whom it may concern. I rent my sofa to a cat on an informal basis. In the last month, the left arm has acquired a series of long vertical marks. I believe the tenant is responsible. I would like to know my rights.
Our response
Thank you for your enquiry. Having reviewed the situation, we do not believe any damage has occurred. What you describe as “marks” is better understood as “texture” and “improvements”. Our records show that the sofa arm was in an unacceptable condition before the tenancy began, being smooth and unscratched.
On the question of rights
You have the right to be mildly annoyed, which you have exercised. You have the right to buy a scratching post, which we strongly recommend as an investment in your own peace of mind. You have the right to place a sticker on the sofa, which will be removed.
You do not have the right to take the tenant to court. Courts are rooms with human furniture, and our tenant is a cat, so the case would be dismissed on grounds of hair.
Practical suggestions
- Place a scratching post near the sofa arm, then watch it be ignored
- Cover the sofa arm with a throw, which becomes the new target
- Offer a treat after each scratch on the correct item, though this encourages the wrong ones
- Accept the new sofa arm as a work of art
Deposit
The tenant has paid a deposit of two purrs, which is held in a secure location, namely the tenant’s chest. We regret to say that this deposit is non refundable because it is already spent.
In conclusion
We hope this letter resolves the matter. If it does not, please resubmit it on a flat surface where a representative can sit on it.
Yours sincerely
Biscuit Aldous, Junior Partner, on behalf of Marmalade Quill, who is looking at the wall